The Day My World Changed
72I've been thinking about writing this for weeks now going back and forth, should I or shouldn't I. What will people think if I do? The more I contemplate doing it, the more I'm realizing that there are probably people out there who need to hear what I have to say. This has always been very heart-wrenching for me and will be until the day I die. This isn't an easy subject for a lot of people, and then again, there are those who just don't care.
The day was so long,
It seemed to drag on for years....
My thoughts were racing so fast,
And I was shaking with fear!
I had no idea,
What was happening to me!
All I wanted was an answer,
And from this hell to be free!
It all started,
When I ran away,
From home and the chaos,
So dismal and gray....
Life was so good,
When Mom was alive,
We all were so happy,
For each other we would strive,
To do what was right,
And try to get along,
And encourage each other,
Even with a silly song.
But then came the day,
That Mom passed away.
My whole world just changed,
On my bed I just lay...
And cry, and cry,
And even cry some more.
My heart felt like it was ripped,
From the depths of my core.
After a few years,
I couldn't take life at home.
So I ran away,
Ending up just seeming to roam.
As I was walking,
One night down the street,
A car happened by me,
Two guys in the front seat.
I kept on walking,
Afraid to turn my head and see,
If they were looking,
And watching me.
I then realized,
They were keeping my pace,
I tried to walk faster,
As though I was in a race.
I glanced with my eyes,
To the right for to see,
What exactly was happening,
In the car next to me.
Two guys in the car,
Smiles ear to ear,
Watching me as I walk,
My heart gripped with fear!
No sooner did I look,
For the chance to see,
They jumped out of the car,
And grabbed me.
They managed to shove me,
In the back seat,
And took off like lightening,
My heart skipped a beat!
They drove to an apartment,
Somewhere near downtown,
And told me to be quiet,
Or I would never be found.
Out of the car,
They grabbed my arm,
Said to do what they say,
Or they'll give me great harm.
To the stairs we did walk,
No one talking at all.
On the right side was the short guy,
On the left was the tall.
Up the stairs we went,
To the second floor.
Upon arriving at the top,
They unlocked the door.
They shoved me inside,
And said, "GO SIT DOWN!"
It was then that I thought,
It's true, I may never be found....
The door was then shut,
Seven locks did I see,
All lined up on the door,
Now I'm trapped, two strange guys ... and me.
I stood there and stared,
As the locks were all turned.
I'm all gripped with fear,
And for freedom I yearned!
There were knives,
Behind the bar on the wall.
One of the guys grabbed one,
And headed down the hall.
The other got one,
Then came next to me.
To see how I would react,
As he put it by my knee.
He asked if I was scared,
So full of fear I couldn't speak.
My thoughts were going everywhere,
And I felt sick, nauseated and weak.
He took me down the hall,
To the room at the end.
The other guy was waiting,
For my clothes to rend.
They said they were cops,
And called the 'Sarge' on the phone.
I wanted to scream out,
"Please Sarge!! Rescue me!! Don't leave me here alone!!"
I soon then realized,
They weren't cops at all.
So I sat on the bed,
And I started to bawl.
One left the room,
And the other took over.
They both took their turns,
Under the cover.
The comments they made,
I can't even say...
They were worse than rude,
Crude and demeaning in every way.
Will this ever stop?
Will it ever end?
Oh how I wish,
I could just be with a friend....
I prayed in my mind,
To God, Please help me!
Get me out of this hell,
Please set me free!!
I want to escape,
But there is no way out.
The door is locked up,
I just want to shout!!!!
Time is going so slow,
Have I been here a year?
Am I losing my mind?
I can't take much more of this fear!
When they were all finished,
They let me know,
That it finally was time,
We needed to go.
Not through the door,
In which we came.
This way was different,
Not the same.
I had to crawl,
Out a window in back.
It went out to a porch,
No lights on, just pitch black.
One of them went,
To go get the car.
That was still parked out front,
Two doors down from a bar.
The other one stood,
On the porch watching me.
He used the door,
Not the window, you see.
Here comes the car,
I was told to jump,
From the second-story porch,
'Wow! I'll just go "thump",
Was my thought as I stood,
There scared as could be,
Is there any other way?
Does anyone even care, love or miss me?
I'm afraid of heights,
Been like that for years.
Fell down stairs as a child,
So, this was BIG fear!
But I knew in my mind,
There's no other way,
To get to the bottom,
But to jump, and say,
In my mind ... Dear God,
Please help me once more,
For I can't take the stairs,
And there's locks on the door!
It's amazing what happens,
When you are in danger,
Especially with a knife,
In the hand of a stranger.
So, I mustered up,
All the strength that's in me,
And I jumped off the porch,
And I wanted to flee!
To my amazement,
When I hit the ground,
It didn't even hurt,
Not an ache to be found.
I stood for a moment,
In amazement and awe,
That I wasn't injured,
Not a scratch or a flaw!
The car door was opened,
And they pushed me in,
To the back seat I went,
Then sped off with a grin.
Laughing out loud,
At what they had done,
How they had enjoyed it,
And had so much fun.
They drove me for blocks,
How many ... I don't know,
'Til they got to a corner,
And said, "You gotta go!"
As the car was still moving,
Around the corner they went,
The door was then opened,
And my body was sent,
Out of the car,
To the middle of the street,
It was then I discovered,
The taste of concrete.
They sped off still laughing,
At the whole ordeal,
As I am there laying,
So numb I can't feel.
I got to the curb,
To get to my feet,
And started to walk,
With the hope I would meet,
Someone to help me,
Someone to care,
But would I even ask?
Would I even dare?
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Your poetry touched me. I felt your pain, sorry this happened to you, such cowards.
Hugs
Abuse is horrible no matter how it is dished out to the innocent. You were one of the fortunate ones who got away with her life. Many sadly were murdered and some never found. I saw abuse as a boy in my family and I know of many who felt the cowardly sting from beasts as these two pigs you describe here.
I wish they were all caught and rounded up and a razor taken to there genitals and dismembered for life. I hate cowards, predators,rapists who prey upon the female innocents of our world. This scribe has no shame in releasing it here, I have written often of my past, future and present.
It helps to get it out of your soul, you did just that in this poem. Bravo, nicely done.
Field of Flowers :(
I am saddened by all this. Thank you for opening your heart to share this. You are a brave woman and you have a huge heart. May God bless your soul.
You had to face too many tragedies and yet look at you now. You are an amazing woman. Bless you.
Oh, Field-of-Flowers, such a terrible thing for a young girl, any girl, to have to endure and carry around for years after! My heart goes out to you, and at the same time, I say "good for you", for not being afraid to lay it all out here on hubpages. I applaud your courage. Don't ever be afraid to share stories of personal events because after all, aren't we all here to grow, learn and share our lives with each other? We can't all just write about the frog on the log, which is fine, don't misinterpret me, I love article and poems about nature, but I also love when writers pour their emotions into their work, revealing their innermost pain and feelings. It changes the quality of the piece, knowing that it is real. I have shared many of my deepest hurts in my poetry and the occasional short story here on hubpages in what I hope is a fearless and courageous manner, and will continue to do so, and I have nothing but the greatest admmiration for all who do so with me.............Voted up and awesome, girl!
What amazing courage it must have taken to relive this experiance through your writing. Amazing work.
Voted up and beautiful
Oh! My goodness. What an horrendous experience.
I am glad you lived to tell the tale, but for your sake I wish we could have an eraser inside us , to forget such dreadful happenings,.
What thugs! What cowards!, I´m sorry they were not brought to justice (although, they may do it again and be caught???!! Who knows?)
The picture says it all, with writing on the girls´back.
I hope you can get on with your life, you obviously have a strong faith in God, which always helps.
I feel for you, and thank you for having the courage to write this.
Many don't survive, you were very lucky, you should have gone to the police to have got their DNA to maybe get them six months in jail. Yes I am being sarcastic but not to you. If the law would ever put serious penalties on rapist there would be more second thoughts! May God help erase your memories and replace with something wonderful.
Field of Flowers, what a lovely choice of name after such a thing has happened to you. You are very brave to open yourself up like this on hubpages. I admire you and hope that writing all of this down has somehow helped heal the pain.
May you always live in a field of flowers.
What a terrible experience. I'm glad you got through it and now have the courage to talk about it. I'm angry just thinking about these guys. Pigs. God bless your brave heart.
What a sad, terrifying piece... I admire you sitting down and penning this to paper; and even more so for sharing it with so many eyes. My heart goes out to you. God Bless! Voted up and beautiful!
Hi Carol,
Oh my goodness...you went through so much. Such sadness from losing your mom. Then to deal with such horror. Such pain. Such fear. Not knowing if you were gonna even survive the ordeal. What total a*sholes. Cowardice scumbags. Just because you ran away doesn't mean that ANY of this was your fault! You were a child trying to find your own way to cope with the devastation of losing your mom, and that's all.
Even still...it is a beautiful and heart wrenching poem and very well written. As hard as it is for you to relive the terror, I'm really glad you took the leap. It's very soul cleansing and healing to just get it out of your system, whether it's in writing or talking...it doesn't matter one bit. I've been doin' a bit of that myself lately. (: It's great here on HubPages. You'll never meet anybody here face to face, so the near anonymity really helps. There are many of us here at HP who have endured deep trauma's and we all feel this connection with each other because of it. You are NOT alone, sis!
Congratulations on finding your strength and the courage to just let it all out. (:
Much love and BIG hugs to you, Carol. And may peace and love remain in your heart and soul...always,
Diana
I'm so sorry this happened to you. It is every woman's nightmare and you are a strong woman to have made it through it.
Thanks for sharing your pain and for your follow. You'll find my history of abuse in my writings. As difficult as it sounds, I needed to voice my pain and then forgive my assailants in order to free myself of the anger and pain. I was only a child in second grade when I became hardened by the violence in school.I remained a victim for too many years. The anger and self-righteous indignation of the comments are all well and good. I would echo their sentiments if I thought it would help you. Too many people block their joy with judgement and anger. You deserve some joy by freeing yourself from the scars of this horrendous episode. Anger, resentment and the desire for revenge imprisons us to relive the crimes against us until the end of time. If this happened at age 15, it is OK for you to express the feelings but hopefully you will be able to learn to let this go and get free. I read a book called the Courage to Heal written by women who had been RAPED. I learned that I must "name it to claim it". I was sexually assaulted at the age of 14. I feel your pain but did not experience the same level of violence. I will keep you in prayer.
The best writing comes from the heart. Even when the subject is a traumatic experience. There is no doubt that you helped yourself and someone else by sharing your pain.
I appreciate you sharing this. The writing is very precise. The pain and fear are very real. I voted up and awesome.
OMG, how have you survived all this pain? I have always thought I wouldn't be able to get over this if this happened to me.
I'm going to follow you now.
Flowers - I read about your struggle regarding whether or not to write.
I'm glad you chose to do it.
What courage it took to wade through the memories, and to place your words so carefully for all the world to see.
There are those who will receive much help and a greater determination to recover by what you have shared here.
My warmest regards and admiration for the obvious sacrifice you made to share something so brutal and life changing.
God bless you and many thanks,
Angelia Phillips
You are so brave in writing this. Your words were so descriptive that I felt almost nauseous in reading this. I agree with Saddlerider with what should be done to those guys. I want to read more of your work. Awesome and voted up!
Field of Flowers--Don't be sorry that it sickened me. That's only because you captured it. You captured the horrow of the event. You showed your writing skills. That's what I was saying there, so don't be sorry. Just keep writing. You have more on the story in your hubs? I will read....Thank you for being such an honest writer.
What a sad story, it was like reading part of my past.
It is amazing how you were able to put it in verse.
Powerful!! Thank you for sharing it with us.
It was years ago when the lady was to blame for this kind of brutal actions pushed on her.
I got over it, I kept silent like so many of us did. You are so right to write about it !
Thanks again.
So sorry that you had to live through that...you are right...monsters like that need to be castrated and maybe it would never happen again....
Great courage in writing this...you are a talented writer!
Oh my. How tragic. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger....you are one heck of a lady as I can see already! Looking forward to following you! :)
What a powerful poem. By telling your story, you are healing yourself. Forgiving them and yourself (sometimes people think they may have caused it) will also help. Most of all have no fear that they will not be caught....what goes around comes around. Oh yes, they will pay for their crime against you. It's just that you may never know about it.
May you find peace in your writing and may our Father continue to heal you.
oh my...so scary...it's probably rare that such a situation would result in you staying alive and able to put this into verse. I am so sorry for what happened to you. There are such ruthless animals in this world. Thank you for sharing.Looking forward to following you.
Hello Field of Flowers:
It seems that you are helping many and receiving much support from the women. I only wish more of my gender could empathize with your pain. Have a blessed day. Gerry
oh dear, you made me teary eyed while reading till the end :(
how I feel the pain, how I feel the fear.
i just can't spit the lump in my throat, with excitement and fought, the devil in my mind while reading your thoughts.
You wrote this one giving a full illustration behind everyone's imagination.
Superb dear and should be rated +1
Have a good day always :)
You have amazing strength!
Vote up. Thought I should start with part one first. I experience both anger and compassion at the same time. God bless you.
I am glad that you were able to share this, I had a similar experience as a very young woman who thought that anywhere would be better than my "home" but sometimes youth can be so very naive, perhaps fearless - especially if running from something. You are very brave and you are a survivor, although this night will never leave you it sounds like you were able to move forward and focus on healing, using this terror to build an inner strength and faith over time, not allowing this incident to defeat you!
I also wondered whether I should publish my experience, and I decided to do so, in my own way - I suppose we all have a unique way of expressing trauma and I commend you for your ability to revisit a painful incident and to grow from it! Up, useful and awesome!
I am more than sure each day you now awake, is deeply appreciated and lived better then yesterday. I am deeply sorry to read your words. I am sure you found more strength within yourself then thought to have had.
Brilliantly presented! The poetry made it even the more touching and moving.
I am so deeply sorry that happened to you!
Bless you for sharing such a personal story that may very well help someone to identify with your experience.
I can't believe that people can treat others so miserably. It is so evil to use and violate another person in this manner than just throw you away like that. Utterly despicable. Arrogant, prideful, and selfish are just a few things that come to mind.
I am so glad that you survived it all. How terrifying!
Very painful to read what these men did to you. I'm glad your alive and hope you've been able to work through this experience.
Wow...just wow. Seriously, these types of men will get what's coming to them. Even if it isn't karma or god's punishment, to every action there's an equal reaction. I do find that you are a strong and gorgeous woman and thank you so much for sharing to help others in their similar pain. Blessings to you.






































Binaya.Ghimire 10 months ago
wonderful. Voted up.